Based on 4x1, 4x2 and 4x3.

Wow, so the planets aligned and I missed the season 4 premiere of The L Word by three weeks. Which means I had three episodes to catch up on (in addition to four kilos of work I SHOULD be doing) - this is actually a good thing, because I don't get obsessed with analysing tiny little details and am able to get a better sense of meta.

So far, the storylines I can distinguish are The Papi Affair, Big Brother Shane, Poor, Poor Helena, Tina the Traitor, Lesbian University, Trans-itions and Jenny. As an ensemble of sub-plots, I'm not too disappointed with the way they've been executed.

The big loser is The Papi Affair, so let's get that one out of the way. There's a new character. She's ultra cool. She's ultra hot. She's slept with more woman than Shane (LIEK WOA!!!) - 227 in 20 hours, if you believe The Chart. So, you ask, is her name Mary-Sue? No, it's 'Papi' (which means Daddy in Spanish), but I'm going to call her that, anyway. So, MS leads unsuspecting Alice on a wild goose chase after Alice discovers someone on The Chart who's slept with more women than Shane, and wants to meet MS. Finally, MS seduces Alice into a limo (which is complete with chairs that transform into a double bed) and proceeds to give Alice The Best Sex She’s Ever Had. MS then, that night, gives Helena a run for her money. MS sadly doesn’t have a good actor. She doesn’t have Katherine Moennig (Shane)’s charisma. The plot falls flat, takes up screen time, and makes Alice’s very capable actress Leisha Hailey sounds like Paris Hilton. The plot unfortunately sucked Helena in too for some character assassination. Alice is The L Word’s Emmet. She gets the crap, unfunny plots and it’s a waste of a good actress.

Working our way upwards – next comes Big Brother Shane. Shane left her would-be wife at the alter, fucking everyone’s lives up. She spends a few days cracked out of her brain with Cherie Jaffe, then crashes Cherie’s BM, staggers home in a pool of her own blood for a brief altercation with her father’s now-ex wife, who has left Shane a surprise on the doorstep. SURPRISE! Your nine year old half-brother is living with you now, Shane. The good news is, he’s a good little actor – no cringing required. Now, this plot would SUCK if it weren’t for the fact that Katherine Moennig gives Hugh Laurie a run for his money in the acting department. That woman can pull ANY line off – and she does. That’s why this terribly cliché storyline works – because of Katherine Moennig.

Poor, poor Helena oscillates between being very annoying and extremely endearing. Rich Helena is no more – Mommy’s cut her off from the family account.
Rachel Shelley – I honestly can’t tell if she’s a brilliant actress or a very, very bad one. I don’t think it’s her fault for appearing to be a bad actress – she gets some VERY bad lines (“I didn’t know it could feel this warm and fuzzy to be poor!” Springs immediately to mind), but honestly – Katherine Moening could’ve pulled that one off. She should have tried sarcasm, anything! Unlike MS, Helena has a lot of redeeming qualities. She has cute (and actually, extremely well acted) reactions to the other characters, and sweet, endearing mannerisms. The trouble is, as soon as she opens her mouth, all the fabulous acting talent spills away. The writers also have a lot to answer to in terms of creating this plot; NO ONE could possibly be as bad a receptionist as they had Helena be. Seriously. Helena is an extremely intelligent, calculating manipulator when she wants to be – she’s not going to screw up appointments and have trouble telling an object is a phone or a bottle of hair dye. That was an extremely poorly thought out plot device.

The meta-plot for the series, Bette/Tina, takes another labyrinth-like, lesbianesque turn toward the complicated for season 4. Tina is now ‘straight’. She has her nice rich boyfriend and his family (who she now lives with), and initially was fighting for sole custody of Bette and Tina’s daughter Angelica. Fortunately that died in the arse after a BRILLIANT performance by lawyer Joyce (Jane Lynch), explaining exactly what sort of media attention a black lesbian vs. white ex-lesbian could expect to attract over fighting for custody over a biracial child. Ten bucks says this is foreshadowing, and that’s exactly where this battle is going to end up – in the media and in the courtroom. I’m looking forward to it; Jane Lynch is a brilliant actress and court is the next logical step for the Bette/Tina epic to progress to. I hope this is what the writers have in mind. I will just comment in relation to this plot that the writers have been absolutely vilifying Tina for being ‘straight’; her heterosexual friends are all extremely homophobic and ignorant. In fact, I dislike the way heterosexuals are portrayed in this series. They are treated very much like the ‘other’, for us to shake our heads and feel pity for (Kit being the exception). The Celebrity Culture game just reinforced that; there are two socieities; ‘ours’ and ‘theirs’, and that they don’t mix. This should not have been the result of that ‘mixer’ party – the writers should have just tried to establish that Tina’s friends were phobes, not that all straight people are. Having Angus, our token straight male, acknowledge having a sexual experience with another man just served to reinforce the straight = phobe dichotomy. We are not amused, writers.

Lesbian University is a little OTP. Not only has Dean of Art Bette hired a research assistant who is a lesbian – she’s hired one who is a) openly attracted to her, b) annoying, c) unattractive to anyone with eyes and ears, and finally d) unapologetic about Bette unacceptable behaviour towards her boss. So. Bette does the most intelligent thing when faced with a student who wants to fuck her (listen up, teachers), she FUCKS her. That sound you’re hearing is me tearing out my hair in clumps and shrieking. I struggled with the question as to whether or not this is extremely out of character for Bette – and decided that just because I don’t like a character, doesn’t mean Bette wouldn’t fuck her. Bette fucked Candice, for example, who I COULDN’T STAND. Bette does a lot of unacceptable things in terms of sexual conduct, so I’m going to concede that perhaps it was in character for Bette to give in and sleep with Nadia, her student. It’s just a pity that the editors for that episode didn’t cut the whole, “Would it be wrong…” conversation in the car beforehand – because that takes the cake for the worst script-writing out of any scene I’ve seen Bette in so far. The plot doesn’t end there. Bette’s boss, Phyllis, has suddenly realized that after 25 years of marriage and two kids that she’s gay. Right now, which happens to be as Bette enters her employ. It’s extremely fortunate Jennifer Beals is an amazing actress for carrying those scenes. So. All the staff we’ve met so far are dykes. Realistic, no? You’re right. NO. Lucky it’s TV.

Last season Max/Moira got the prize for being the most wasted character. Not only was her extremely important storyline (transexuality) suddenly massacred after episode three in s3, but they turned her character from a sympathetic, extremely likeable woman into an angry, violent man. At the end of s3e3, I was shocked at how brilliantly Moira-Max was being written – out of her depth with women, not accepted by men. It was awful, beautiful tragedy and then it was RUINED. This season, however, the writers are making an effort again. Let me just say – Max is one HOT character. Daniela Sea makes an extremely attractive man. Like, REALLY attractive. Big blue eyes, fabulously androgenous body-type, lovely cheekbones. Seriously – fan me. And she’s a great actress who’s now getting a great storyline. See, the boys at work don’t know Max still has (or ever had) a vagina. So, the boss invites Max to take his daughter out – because, face it, Max is a HOT guy (and she SO is, did I mention that already?), and Max does. And Max and the bosses daughter hit it off. This is going to be very interesting – because she also doesn’t know Max is a transsexual. There are some interesting explorations (Max looking longingly toward the pool – he can’t get into swimming gear because he doesn’t have a penis). And hopefully this storyline will be the one chosen to be skilfully fleshed out this season – I’m hopeful.

Last but not least, I have a confession to make:

JENNY IS NOW MY FAVOURITE CHARACTER.

I KNOW. Seriously. Read back on some of my posts when I first watched the serious – there’s lots of colourful language about how much I HATE HER. She’s probably the most consistently written character (next in line come Bette and Shane), and Mia Kirshner, her actress, is very talented. I like her now. I like her tantrum-esque outbursts and her deliciously inappropriate yet high-brow flouting of social niceties. The writers definitely succeeded in turning her from an annoying character discovering her sexuality into a sympathetic character after Carmen fucked her over. I admit it – I’m easily manipulated, and I totally fell for it. She’s refreshing now, instead of tiresome. AND they had Heather Matarazzo, who is seriously my FAVOURITE character actress as a guest star in her plot. How could I not love her?!

Some highlights include:

1) Bette: “So, you're telling me I have a budget to develop a budget?”
Phyllis: “Welcome to academia.”

2) Claude asking Jenny if Marina would want to sleep with them, randomly. Delicious because Marina wrecked Jenny’s life and Jenny neglected to tell Claude this.

3) Bette’s Cameron “Oh!” reaction to Phyllis coming out to her.

And now, some gratuitious Max shots. God this woman is HOT as a man.